Secret Teacher: what if Ofsted and the DfE got their hands on Christmas?

Dear Elves,

Due to the Department for Education’s ongoing require for rigorous and relentless adjust, this year yuletide celebrations will depart from the normal round of festive rest and family members enjoyment.

As of nowadays, Saturday twenty December, the needs for Christmas are listed beneath. Please note that these needs can – and will – modify often and incomprehensibly.

one. A Christmas can no longer be deemed “satisfactory”. All Christmases will be observed for 45 minutes soon after which they will be judged exceptional, excellent or requiring improvement.

two. For a Christmas to be judged as outstanding, the following criteria have to be met:

a. The objective of the day must be obviously displayed on all presents, mince pies and cracker jokes. Before any existing opening can occur, all household members have to create down the objective and what they previously know about it.

An instance objective may possibly be, “be good to every single other”. This will need to have differentiating so that people members of the loved ones who have issues with “being nice” have far more achievable objectives and individuals who uncover it straightforward are provided a a lot more difficult target. By the end of Christmas:

All loved ones members will have been invested at least ten minutes “being nice” to every single other.

Most household members will have “been nice” during all festive meals.

Some family members will have ”been nice” for three consecutive hrs.

Extension aim: to don’t forget to acquire siblings a current.

b. By the end of festivities, progress towards the aim must be measured. This can be achieved via a written assessment, person interviews or deep questioning questions should be pre-planned and scaled according to problems.

Household members may opt for peer evaluation but only if this does not threat inducing behaviour that is not in maintaining with the day’s goal.

3. By New Year’s Eve, all Christmas marking and evaluation should be responded to in writing. This can be in the kind of thank you letters but may be a single written comment. For illustration, “You are appropriate, I need to not have eaten my sister’s giant gobstopper just just before lunch. Next 12 months I will hide it till Boxing Day.”

four. Particular focus ought to be paid to the achievement of family members in the following group: people getting totally free college meals looked-soon after young children forces children.

If a kid who is in receipt of totally free school meals and one who is not are the two failing to meet the Christmas aim (getting nice, in case you forgot), the kid in receipt of cost-free college meals must be offered some additional “intervention time”, although the other one will get on with currently being horrid.

5. Possibilities must be presented for numeracy challenges. For example, if Mum has a single glass of wine an hour and the turkey wants to cook for three hrs, how a lot of men and women will be necessary to hold Mum up as she makes the gravy?

6. Options need to be presented to make progress towards literacy as well. For example, if you concentrate on speech marks it may be a great concept to motivate all family members members to make a “speech mark” gesture with their fingers every single time they speak. An option gesture could be selected for those who favor to grunt, although grunting could not match in with the Christmas objective of currently being nice.

7. Christmases that fail to meet the necessary normal will be placed in “Xmas Measures”. They will (inside of 6 months or so) be allocated a super santa to guide them into turning into a new variety of Christmas: an “Xmas”. Smiling throughout this method will be discouraged.

Ought to the demoted Christmas refuse to grow to be an “Xmas” or function alongside their allotted profitable super santa, Christmas will be disbanded and we will all have to wait one more yr.

WARNING: Subsequent year’s Christmas requirements will be totally different, you will be notified of the changes on Christmas Eve and expected to act accordingly.

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